


Nightmares

by rebgurl15



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types
Genre: After the 74th Hunger Games, Canon Divergence, Consensual Underage Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Nightmares, Nights on the Train, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Unplanned Pregnancy, Victory Tour
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:14:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23835955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rebgurl15/pseuds/rebgurl15
Summary: During the Victory Tour, Peeta and Katniss keep the nightmares at bay in each other's arms. What if their nights of comfort become more than platonic? What if Peeta's Quarter Quell announcement turns out to be true?
Relationships: Katniss Everdeen/Peeta Mellark
Comments: 10
Kudos: 156





	1. Chapter 1

_ “Peeta! Peeta!” _

_ She was in the Games again, by the river’s edge. But Peeta wasn’t there. She needed to find him and he was nowhere. Katniss was frantic with fear. She needed him, but she knew that he was gone. _

_ “Katniss!” A soft, familiar voice called out to her.  _

_ And then Rue was standing across the river from her -- whole and alive. Her round face was lit by one of her impish smiles. Katniss began to run towards Rue, jumping into the river. The water was up to her waist, dragging her down. With every step forward, the current pushed her two steps backward. Still, she struggled towards Rue. She had to protect her.  _

_ A low whistle filled the air. Katniss looked up to see a spear soaring overhead, towards Rue’s unmoving form.  _

_ “Rue!” Katniss watched, helpless in her watery prison, as the spear pierced Rue’s stomach, just as it had in the Games. As Rue collapsed, the river claimed Katniss, pulling her into its depths.  _

\------

“Katniss!” Peeta is shaking her. “Katniss, it’s just a dream!”

A dream. Katniss blinks, taking in the opulent room around her, struggling to come back to herself. She is not in the Hunger Games. She and Peeta Mellark were crowned the Victors months ago. She is on a Capitol train, on her way to District 11 for the first stop on the Victory Tour. Peeta is not gone. He is here, with her. Rue is gone. Katniss had not protected her. She had let Rue die. 

Katniss’ chest suddenly feels unbearably tight. She can’t breath. She is going to suffocate. Katniss’ heart beats furiously as she takes huge, gasping breaths to try to sooth her suddenly oxygen deprived body. 

She feels a hand, large and sturdy, on her back, making small, soothing circles. “In and out. In and out,” Peeta whispers in her ear. 

Katniss focuses on her breath, her inhalations and exhalations matching the rhythm of Peeta’s words. Slowly the tightness in her chest loosens and her breathing feels less labored. 

“Nightmares?” Peeta asks, after Katniss was breathing normally again.

Silently, she nods. 

“In the Games?” 

Another nod. 

“I get them too. Every night.” Peeta’s voice is matter-of-fact. Katniss looks up at him, her grey eyes meeting his blue. For a minute, they are silent, exploring each other’s depths. Peeta’s eyes, steeped in such profound sadness, belie the impact of his nightmares. Katniss wants to reach out to him, to sooth him in the way he had just soothed her, but she doesn’t know how. 

After a minute, Peeta awkwardly clears his throat. “I should go back to my room. I need to at least try to sleep tonight.”

“Stay.” He is almost at the door when Katniss finds her voice. He freezes, but does not turn around. Katniss repeats herself, louder and stronger this time. “Stay. Please. I don’t want to be alone.”

Without a word, Peeta turns around and walks back to her bed. He climbs in and lays his head on the pillow next to hers. Katniss stays perched on the end of her bed, staring at Peeta. She suddenly feels awkward and unwieldy. 

“Is this okay?” Peeta asks, moving to sit up as he second-guesses himself. “I can sleep on the couch --”

In answer, Katniss lays down next to him, placing her head on his chest. Tentatively, Peeta puts an arm around her. It feels weird and yet completely natural, as if they’re back in the cave. Katniss finds herself focusing on the beating of his heart, the rhythm of his breath, the feeling of his hand making small circles on her back -- 

That night is the first time since the 74th Reaping that Katniss sleeps without dreaming. 


	2. Chapter 2

_ “Katniss! Katniss!” _

_ At the sound of Rue’s desperate screams, Katniss is running. She has her bow in her hand, arrow notched, ready for action. But Rue’s screams come from everywhere and nowhere. No matter how hard she focuses, Katniss is unable to discern their origin.  _

_ And then, all at once, Rue is right in front of her, though she is not screaming. She is silent and still in a clearing, covered in Katniss’ flowers.  _

_ “No! Rue!” _

_ Katniss realizes she is screaming. She falls to her knees by Rue’s side, helpless.  _

_ “Why didn’t you save her?” Katniss looks up to see Rue’s mother standing over her, hate twisting her face. _

_ “Why didn’t you save her?” Rue’s sister appears next to her mother. _

_ “Why didn’t you save her?” The clearing is now filled with people from District 11. They are all repeating Rue’s mother’s words. “Why didn’t you save her?” They bear down on her, faces masks of hate.  _

_ “I’m so sorry! Rue, I’m so sorry!” _

\------

“Katniss! You’re here. You’re not in the Games. You’re on the Victory Tour. You’re with me.” Peeta is softly murmuring their mantra to her, his hand again making small circles on her back. This has become their practice over the past week. When one of them wakes from nightmares, the other one pulls them back to reality. Katniss knows that Peeta is better at it than she is. His hands and his voice sooth her in a way she’s sure hers never could. 

Under Peeta’s ministrations, Katniss slowly relaxes. She moves to rest her head on his chest. Something about Peeta’s heartbeat is grounding. With her head on his solid, muscled chest, listening to the  _ ka-thump _ ,  _ ka-thump  _ of his heart, she feels real and alive. 

“Rue?” He whispers after a moment. 

Katniss nods. 

Wordlessly, he pulls her closer. 

Katniss sighs, grateful for both his embrace and his silence. Peeta never tries to absolve her of her sins. Never tries to tell her things are not her fault. Never tries to explain away her pain and guilt. He can’t because his sins, his pain, his guilt are the same as hers. 

Just the night before, it was Katniss waking Peeta from his nightmare. He had been dreaming about the girl by the campfire. The innocent that he had killed. He had cried and Katniss had held him. 

Katniss realizes that the circles on her back have stopped. She looks up to see that Peeta has fallen back asleep. In sleep, his face is so young, so innocent. The lines between his brows smooth, the bags beneath his eyes recede -- he seems whole again. He seems as he was five years ago when he was only the boy with the bread. 

Peeta shifts in his sleep and his golden hair falls carelessly across his brow. Katniss finds herself reaching up to brush it aside. Once her hand is on his face, she is reluctant to remove it. She cups Peeta’s cheek, allowing her thumb to glide over the hard angles of his left cheekbone, down the planes of his cheek. Her breath hitches as her thumb finds his bottom lip. Katniss suddenly really wants to kiss Peeta. She needs to feel his lips on hers. 

Tentatively, she presses her lips to his. His lips are soft and warm and nice. And then they’re better than nice. Peeta is no longer sleeping. He is pulling her even closer to him, he is gently teasing her lips with his teeth. His hands are at the bottom of her waist, fingers occasionally grazing her buttox. 

Katniss knows whatever is happening here is a dangerous game, and yet, as Peeta’s light touches and playful kisses send shivers up and down her body, she knows she doesn’t want any of this to stop. She allows herself to get lost in it -- she tangles her fingers in Peeta’s hair and presses her body against his. His tongue slips into her mouth and Katniss nips it. Peeta emits a low, guttural growl in response; Katniss can feel his arousal pressing against her hip. She wonders what it looks like, the hard member pulsing through Peeta’s thin pajama bottoms. It would be easy enough to find out. Her heart beats erratically at the thought. 

And then Peeta pulls away from her and rolls to the other side of the bed. 

“God, Katniss.” He sighs. He is shaking and when Katniss looks at her own hands, she realizes that she is as well. “What was that?”

“What do you mean?” Katniss has no good answer, so she stalls. 

“Don’t do that. You know exactly what I mean.” These days, Peeta can see right through her bullshit.

“I just -- I wanted to kiss you.”

Peeta doesn’t respond to this, nor does he pull her back into his arms. But he does stay. 


	3. Chapter 3

_ Prim, Gale, Peeta, Effie, Cinna, Haymitch, and her mother stood against a wall. They were screaming, faces contorted in terror, but Katniss couldn’t hear a sound.  _

_ She turned to find the source of their fear only to be met by a line of thirty Peacekeepers, guns trained on her loved ones. A firing squad.  _

_ President Snow was there too, off to the side, right arm raised. As he lowered his arm, his eyes met hers. Katniss knew what was coming next; she had seen it before on the Capitol feeds. She tried to run. She tried to scream. She tried to do something, anything, but her feet were frozen to the ground, her voice silenced.  _

_ “Fire!” Snow’s order roared in her ears as the guns exploded.  _

_ They fell one by one without a sound. All Katniss could do was watch. _

\------

Katniss is not screaming when she wakes up, though she feels as though she has lost her whole world. She cannot breathe but, for some reason, that does not scare her. Instead, she is numb, unmoving, staring at her room’s intricate ceiling. 

As her eyes trace the ceiling’s whorls and waves, Katniss makes herself take slow, shallow breath. She wishes she could melt into the bed and disappear. She did this. She had brought this upon all of them. Why hadn’t she just eaten the berries?

Snow’s face flashes in her mind’s eye. It is not his face from her dream, but his face from the party the night before. She sees that almost imperceptible shake of his head and feels her world crashing down around her again. 

And then Katniss is out of bed, pacing and planning. They have to leave. She already knows that -- but how? When? She is mentally packing their bags when Peeta wakes. The way he grips the sheets tells Katniss that she isn’t the only one with nightmares tonight. She moves to the edge of the bed as Peeta blinks, coming back to himself. He is shaking and, for some reason, he is staring at his hands. After a minute of silence, Katniss reaches out to tip Peeta’s head up so that he is looking at her. 

“Who was it tonight?” She asks softly. 

Peeta stares at her without seeming to register her words. His face is twisted in a grief that Katniss both fears and understands. Slowly, he reaches for her waist, pulling her to him. Katniss’ knees bump the bed and her body bends as Peeta pulls her into his embrace. His arms are strong and his grip is tight. It is hard for Katniss to breath, and yet she relishes it. 

He is so solid, so real. She thinks of Peeta crumpling to the ground in her dream. Katniss presses her face into Peeta’s shoulder because she suddenly knows exactly what his nightmare had been about. 

“I can’t lose you.” His voice is gruff with emotion. 

Though the words don’t surprise Katniss, they still make her heart race. 

“I -- I don’t think I can lose you either.” She mumbles into his shoulder. 

At this, Peeta sits up, gathering Katniss into his lap. She looks up into his eyes -- the intensity she sees in his blue eyes simultaneously thrilling and scaring her. 

The kiss that comes next is raw with fear, grief, and longing. Again and again flashes crowd Katniss’ mind -- of Peeta crumpling to the ground, of Peeta half-dead in the cave, of Peeta grappling with Cato. She pulls Peeta closer to her, feeling the heat and realness of his body against hers. Peeta’s hands begin to roam her body, exploring places they have never been before. Each touch is a new sensation and each sensation chases the nightmares away, if only for a second. 

Katniss needs him closer to her. She needs to feel more of him. Never breaking their kiss, she reaches her hands up under Peeta’s shirt, tracing the muscles of his back, shoulders, and chest. And then she is taking his shirt off as Peeta’s hands find their way under her nightgown. He cups her breast and gently thumbs her nipple, sending shivers down her spine and filling her with a new, overwhelming need. She feels Peeta’s member brush her leg and she reaches over to pull his pajama bottoms down. 

Katniss breaks their kiss to stare. She has never seen anyone’s manhood before; she finds it both strange and beautiful. Peeta smiles shyly at her as she tentatively touches it; slowly, Katniss begins to stroke the member. Peeta pulls her up from the bed for another, deeper kiss. Reflexively, Katniss lets go of Peeta’s manhood to wrap her legs around his waist. His penis accidentally brushes her arousal, thrilling her. 

“I want you, Peeta.” She murmurs against his lips.

“What?” He pulls away, looking her in the eye. He is clearly not sure if he heard her correctly. 

“I need you -- inside of me.” Katniss whispers her second request, though she never breaks eye contact. 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

That night they lose themselves in each other. That night, at least, they keep the nightmares away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all I was trying to be super low-key when I was talking about Peeta's penis but OH MY GOD there are only so many euphemisms for the male anatomy.


	4. Chapter 4

Once they're back home, Katniss doesn't sleep. She doesn't know if it's because she no longer has the subtle rocking of the train to lull her to sleep, but she suspects that it has more to do with the loss of Peeta's presence at her side. Ever since _that_ night, they have retreated to their respective houses and rarely see each other.

But then, one night, Katniss is gripped with terror. _She is by the lake in the Games. She has heard the cannon blast. She knows that Peeta is gone. She is screaming and running._ "Peeta!"

The winter wind pierces her nightgown. Her bare feet ache as she runs through the snow. Snow. Katniss realizes that she is outside. Her fear has brought her to Peeta's doorstep.

"Peeta!" She pounds on the oaken front door. The terror is still overwhelming. She has to see him. She has to know that he is okay. And then she is retching in bush beside his front door, overcome by fear.

"Katniss." His arms are around her, pulling her back from the bushes.

She looks up to see her mother, Prim, and even Haymitch watching them worriedly from a hundred yards away.

Katniss presses her face into Peeta's shoulder, unable to deal with their eyes. He smells good. She has missed him.

Peeta gently ushers her inside, waving away the others' worry. Katniss follows him, soothed by his presence.

Inside, seated at the fine, finished table in his kitchen, Peeta hands her a cup of tea.

"Nightmares?" It's not really a question. He knows.

"It felt so real." Katniss whispers as she warms her hands on the proffered cup. "We were in the Games. Only we weren't really, because you were--"

“I'm here. I’m right here.” Peeta has gotten up from his chair and is kneeling in front of Katniss, his hands on her shoulders. His blue eyes are so earnest and warm. Katniss wants to fall into them, into his arms, but something holds her back.

"Do you regret it?"

“Regret what?”

“That — night.”

Peeta hesitates for a beat, clearly taken aback. “Only — only if you do.”

"No. I — I don’t think I do.” Katniss' answer is a whisper, her eyes never leaving his. In response, Peeta pulls her to him, pressing his lips against hers. Katniss allows herself to melt into his kiss, letting his smell and her need overwhelm her.

Katniss loses herself with Peeta again. He keeps the nightmares away.


	5. Chapter 5

Sleep eludes Katniss for the third night in a row. Beside her Peeta sleeps peacefully, arm thrown carelessly across her abdomen. Her abdomen. No matter how hard she tries to ignore it, Katniss know this, like everything else, has changed. 

There's an almost imperceptible curve to it now. A slight protrusion. She wonders if Peeta has noticed her body's latest betrayal. He hasn't said anything yet, but that doesn't mean much.

Katniss rolls onto her side to look at the sleeping boy with the bread. His is so calm, his mouth upturned. They've been almost happy in these past six weeks -- their days and nights consumed by keeping the nightmares at bay. She knows they've been selfish -- she needs only to look at Gale's face to be reminded of this. Perhaps this is punishment for that selfishness. 

Suddenly, the room is unbearably warm. Katniss can't breath. She sits up quickly, taking deep breaths in a vain attempt refill her lungs. With each breath, she feels her need for oxygen grow. 

"I'm dying." Katniss gasps out. Tears come to her eyes as her vision starts to cloud. 

"In and out. In and out." Peeta sounds like he's a hundred miles away. Katniss feels his hand on her back, making those small circles.

"In and out." Katniss focuses on Peeta's voice. Slowly, her breathing starts to match his words. Her vision clears. Her heart rate slows. 

"You okay?" Peeta's face is inches from hers, his blue eyes worriedly gazing into her own. 

Katniss musters a shaky smile, ready to reassure him. Something stops her short. Her smile crumbles. "No."

"What was it? Were you back in the Games?" She realizes that he thinks she was trapped in her nightmares again. If only. 

"No. Peeta, I'm -- I'm pregnant." 

Peeta is silent for a long while after that. His mouth opens and closes without a sound. Paired with his wide eyes, he looks like a surprised fish. He looks so ridiculous that Katniss almost giggles. _Almost_.

"It's yours." Katniss clarifies after a moment. 

Peeta's face breaks into a huge grin and he wraps Katniss in a bear hug. 

"A baby!" He whispers excitedly. 

He must notice Katniss' stiff body, because he quickly pulls back.

"You don't want it." It's not a question.

"This is an awful world to bring children into. What if our child ends up in the Games? What if Snow --" Katniss is sobbing and is unable to finish. 

Peeta wraps his arms around her again, but there is no joy in this embrace. He holds her to him as she cries. 

"For a minute, I -- I forgot." He says apologetically. 

Katniss buries her face in his neck. She never forgets.

That night, all they can do is hold each other and remember. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops! Sorry for the super late update! I got stuck after the last chapter...
> 
> I hope y'all like it! :)

Katniss has not had the nightmares for weeks. It's not because she has forgotten the Games. No. It is because, in all those long, long nights, she has not slept. Not since the Quarter Quell announcement.

During the days, she is able to catch moments of rest in fitful, sporadic naps. Her nights, however, belong to her fears.

And tonight is no different. Katniss' exhale is long and loud in the stillness of the bedroom. Her burning eyes and crawling skin tell her that her body craves sleep. And yet, how can she sleep when she has doomed her child?

Katniss puts a protective hand on her abdomen, now large with the child she will likely never meet. Her baby stirs, as if responding to her touch. A small part of her swells with joy and amazement. It is the silly part of her. The part of her that has already named this child. _Rue_.

"Rue." She whispers, sharing her ridiculous hope with the darkness. Her throat is thick with emotion. 

"Rue. Rue. Rue!" Each utterance is progressively louder and punctuated by Katniss' fists pounding against the mattress.

" _Rue!_ " She finally shrieks. Her face is wet now -- not that she cares.

Beside her, a dark form sits up sharply and a light illuminates Peeta's concerned, sleep-rumpled face. "Katniss! What's wrong?"

Katniss does not answer, turning away from him and curling around her pregnant belly. Peeta has slept well over the past few weeks. The exhaustion from Quarter Quell conditioning has managed to temporarily chase Peeta's nightmares away. Katniss tries not to resent him for this. _Tries_. 

Peeta places a tentative hand on her shoulder. "Katniss?"

She shrugs off his hand. 

" _Katniss._ " The exasperation in his voice rankles her. 

" _What?_ " Katniss sits up and snaps at him. 

"Talk to me. _Please._ " 

"About what? About what, Peeta? You're clearly unconcerned by our impending deaths. The death of our _child_." It's a low blow. Katniss regrets the words as soon as they leave her lips, but she can't take them back.

"Unconcerned? Unconcerned? It's all that I think about every single goddamn day!" Peeta is breathing heavily and Katniss knows it takes all of his self-control not to shout. His blue eyes belie his pain. She has hurt him. 

Katniss reaches for Peeta's hand. "I know that you've been preparing, but--"

Peeta pulls back, avoiding her hand. "But _what_?" 

"It's hopeless, Peeta. I'll barely be able to _waddle_ by the time we're in the Arena, let alone run."

Peeta deflates in front of her. "I know."

Katniss had not expected Peeta to agree with her so readily. 

"Then -- what have you been doing?"

"There's something else we can do." It's a non-answer. 

"We can't run away--"

"No, we can't." Peeta affirms. As he speaks, he is out of bed and walking towards the closet. "But we can _show_ them."

He pulls the dress that Cinna had recently sent Katniss. Its tiered, baby-doll design is meant to hide her growing bump. "Try this on."

"Why?" Katniss had already tried the dress on the day that it had arrived. It made her look like a glamorous layered cake. 

"I need you to see something. _Please?_ "

Reluctantly, Katniss heaves herself off of the bed and walks over to where Peeta stands. She grabs the dress and -- with more effort than she cares to admit -- manages to squeeze it over her swollen body. 

"Now, spin."

Incredulously, Katniss slowly turns around. As she does, the tiers of her dress begin to glow and shrink, as if they are burning away. Exhilarated, she spins faster and faster. By the time Peeta puts a hand on her waist to stop her, Katniss' skirts have completely disappeared. When she peers into the mirror, Katniss sees that she now wears a skin-tight jumpsuit that hugs every one of her curves -- including her swollen stomach. 

Peeta comes up behind her, wrapping his arms around her pregnant belly and resting his chin on her shoulder. Together, they silently gaze at their reflection for a minute. "It was Haymitch's idea." Peeta finally says.

"When will we show them?" Katniss asks. She feels hope blooming in her heart. This time she does not quash it. 

"On stage. With Cesar. There will be thousands of Capitol people there. They have never sent a pregnant tribute into the Games. Never. They won't be able to stomach it once they see you. And the Capitol won't be able to hide you if they don't know." There's excitement in Peeta's voice when he speaks. 

Katniss feels it too. Her heart starts to flutter. A smile touches her lips even as she wonders if they're being naive. She doesn't care. For the first time in weeks, Katniss feels like she just might be able to meet her child. 

She grabs Peeta's hand as it rests on her stomach and squeezes it. "We might actually get to meet our baby."

Peeta tightens his arms around her. "We _will_ get to meet them. _We have to._ " 

That night, wrapped in Peeta's embrace, Katniss sleeps for the first time in weeks. 


End file.
